[brain dump] death & the maiden 2: it came from the refrigerator

[clockwork_hart1]

So like I mentioned in the last post I'm working on another little poetry chapbook full of poems about dead women but this time specifically comics focused JUST so I can name it it came from the refrigerator. And I needed to throw up a little post mostly for myself to vent / dump about it as I'm writing because it's just clogging up my Tumblr and also not that interesting lol.

So the list of featured women is:

• Alex DeWitt
• Jean Grey (+ Maddy Pryor)
• Kara Zor El
• Gwen Stacy
• Donna Troy
• Elektra Natchios
• Sue Dibney
• Gert Yorkes
• Tara Markov
• Kamala Khan
• Lian Harper
• Mariko Yoshida
• Bobbi Morse

I may write a second Steph poem to round out the DC side since there's an extra marvel gal on there.

Basically going to use this post / the comment threads to draft some things, complain, keep track of who's been covered and update as I actually put the chapbook together. It'll be on my ko-fi eventually, I might try to comish someone for a cover.

If you have any girls you think I've missed or comics women you wanna talk about do let me know! Idk if anyone would be remotely interested in watching me redraft poems and throw tantrums when I don't think they're working but I'm gonna post through it anyway lol. Enjoy?

Comments

poem list

[clockwork_hart1]

Alex DeWitt
Jean Grey (+ Maddy Pryor)
Kara Zor El
Gwen Stacy
Donna Troy
Elektra Natchios
Sue Dibney
Gert Yorkes
Tara Markov
Kamala Khan
Lian Harper
Mariko Yoshida
Bobbi Morse

21/10/24

Re: poem list

[clockwork_hart1]

Alex DeWitt
Jean Grey (+ Maddy Pryor) still unsure
Kara Zor El
Gwen Stacy
Donna Troy
Elektra Natchios - rewrite
Sue Dibney
Gert Yorkes
Tara Markov
Kamala Khan
Lian Harper - completely new poem
Mariko Yoshida
Bobbi Morse

22/10/24

Re: poem list

[clockwork_hart1]

Alex DeWitt
Jean Grey (+ Maddy Pryor) still unsure
Kara Zor El
Gwen Stacy
Donna Troy
Elektra Natchios
Sue Dibney
Gert Yorkes
Tara Markov
Kamala Khan
Lian Harper
Mariko Yoshida
Bobbi Morse

23/10/24

draft thread

[clockwork_hart1]

If something isn't quite working I'm gonna dump it here, please do comment/give feedback if you want to

Elektra Poem

[clockwork_hart1]

Okay this was the first one I wrote just to loosen myself up and it helped to get in the headspace but now I'm convinced it's bad and clunky and just needs to be either scrapped entirely or totally reworked please help lol

prompt: on the mountain

I'm asking you to forget the girl from before the wolves came,
when history splayed unencumbered on the carpet floor of joyfulness, all that skin hope-flushed and delicate as clouds;
she danced, sock-footed with grace and mercy,
but the glass overlaid the ring of her laughter & the poor animal had already found its way inside.
she tried to stay delicate, skin pinched to pinken or bruise but it refused her,
the bite mark too tough, gummy & hard.
she sealed her mouth & left, became marble on the white snow
& did not soften until the blade sank in,
black fur and red gums,
something that runs cold because warmth is too close to sensation
you must forget her, the girl who shivered, who smiled soft and true,
and remember the instead the sleek animal that stood and walked away

Re: Elektra Poem

[luckyzukky]

"but the glass overlaid the ring of her laughter & the poor animal had already found its way inside" going into that final line of the sleek animal is just crazyyyy oh my god you may not liket his one but i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Elektra Poem

[clockwork_hart1]

hmmmmm maybe I'll keep looking at it. I don't know if it's just too much Story over Poem, if you know what I mean? Like a bit clunky. I definitely think there's something in the wolf / animal thing. Plus it's a ref to one of my fav Elektra (and Natasha) scenes. I rotate the phrase 'wolves and girls, both have sharp teeth' in my mind basically constantly lol.

Elektra Poem v2

[clockwork_hart1]

The Sikenized rewrite:

I'm not asking much, I'm just asking you to forget the girl from before the wolves came.
I'm asking you to forget how history splayed out like old philosophy books on the kitchen floor, all that skin hope-flushed & delicate as clouds;
How you danced, clumsy, love-sly, & red wine soaked white socks on sure feet,
How she broke glasses, but you always broke windows,
& it was too late, the poor animal had already found its way inside.
It's hard to tell happy stories. Everyone likes the sad ones better.
You can start with the ripped up page, then.
Three years and a hundred paper cuts, trying to make a circle out of a bite,
Trying to make a mouth out of teeth.
You can start with the way she pinched her own skin, trying to pinken or bruise, and all she found was marble,
History, static like old museum tableaux,
something that's only alive when someone is looking at it.
You can tell people about the wolves, everyone likes stories that slant on the retell.
Forget the girl, says mythology. Remember the sleek animal that walked away.



I thiiiiiink I like this one better, but I'm worried I've sort of lost the plot and crawled up my own arsehole a bit with it lol.

Re: Elektra Poem v2

[lackadaisicalnereid]

i feel ya re: the sikenized part <3

the ending is *chef's kiss*

i see you also re: crawling up your ass, lol

is 'red wine soaked' supposed to be one modifier to the white socks? if you see what i mean?

love the 'but' in the breaking glasses and windows line, am slightly confused by the '&' at the beginning of the next line, and am thinking maybe there should be a conjunction in the 'everyone likes the sad ones better' or maybe it's better just like this? :D

i'm sure i don't know enough to question the you and the she of this and do hope you know :D

'trying to make a cirle out of a bite' is SUCH A GOOD LINE YO

Re: Elektra Poem v2

[clockwork_hart1]

I was thinking a LOT about portrait of fredyrik and the line 'i turned off the headlights of my looking and let the animal get away' writing this. This whole poem is just a long drawn out retelling of that line.

1) yes it's supposed to be red wine-soaked rather than red, wine soaked if that's what you're asking?

2) the '&' is supposed to be a way to connect the broken window to the animal getting in, but definitely open to seeing how it looks without.

3) I may play with conjunction. Why does that sound like I'm digging around in infectious material lol

4) the I Vs she is what I had a lot of fun with! It might only make sense to me. But that's the beauty of poetry. The you is probably Matt Murdock. But maybe not.

5) that was one of my favourite lines I'm SO glad you picked it.

Thank you for picking at this for me. I had such momentum with these and have sorta fallen by the wayside. I'm trying to throw myself into writing a Bobbi poem now, I'm just trying to find my way in. I think the vibe is going to be 'the things I will talk about and not mention the big/bad thing', but I'm not sure yet. She and Kamala are really evading me.

Jean/Maddy poem

[clockwork_hart1]

Okay I've drafted this one twice and I do think the rhyming version works better but OTOH I don't particularly like rhyming poems (that is to say, when I write them, lol) I feel like they all sound like a child wrote them. But anyway. Idk it just feels overwrought and pretentious and I like poems that are more conversational than this. I just wrote the Kara one and it's basically Perfect already.

Prompt: the other life

Vers 1

Some women are born in love with fire Playing with warmth and delicate wanting An ember that eats until it's full And everyone wants to be touched by it
Bathed in the blessed heat of the light They don't want to know what it really tastes like
Everyone wants to be a saint until they're what's burning on the pyre They don't know want to know what it really tastes like
Bathed in the blessed heat of the light
And everyone wants to be touched by it An ember that eats until it's full
Playing with warmth and delicate wanting
Some women are born in love with fire

Vers 2

Some women are born in love with fire,
An ember that eats until it's full.
Sweet warmth and delicate desires,
Towards the flame, the honeyed pull.
Everyone wants to be touched by it,
Bathed in the blessed heat of light,
But the white candles are already lit.
They don't want to know what it really tastes like.

Everyone wants to be a saint until they're what's burning on the pyre.

They don't want to know what it really tastes like,
But the white candles are already lit.
Bathed in the blessed heat of light,
Everyone wants to be touched by it.
Towards the flame, the honeyed pull,
Sweet warmth and delicate desires,
An ember that eats until it's full.
Some women are born in love with fire.

Re: Jean/Maddy poem

[elasticella]

this is Such a caveated thought for v2 because i tend to bounce off fanpoetry in general, but if you want it anyways with a giant grain of salt lol - what's tripping me up in this is 'everyone wants to be a saint until they're what's burning on the pyre' like that's already heavily there with the repeat line 'they don't want to know what it really tastes like' maybe going in a heat rising direction instead like 'everyone wants to be a saint until it's time to ascend' and then you also have a single line breaking the rhyme scheme before you fall back into it

idk i really like the palindromic nature(?? there's def a better phrase for this) of this one even if it's pretentious <3

Re: Jean/Maddy poem

[clockwork_hart1]

Yknow it's so interesting you say that about fanpoetry because as a rule I'd actually say the same, lol. I usually try to make my pop cultural poems oblique enough that if you didn't know what it was coming from/inspired by the poem would still work and be impactful as a standalone which I actually kinda think is my issue with this poem. It feels too. Idk. On the nose? I wanted to play with symmetry which is the palindromic shape coming through but I think it might just be too. What it is. Is that making any sense at all lol

Re: Jean/Maddy poem

[elasticella]

yeah, that makes sense! that said though, idk it feels fitting that comic poetry specifically would be almost offensively on the nose, which is probably not helpful at all lol

Alex Poem

[clockwork_hart1]

This isn't one that's 'bad' and needs help with so much it's some fragments and an idea I am still talking myself through but basically having just read her handful of issues I've gone all in on Alex and thinking about examining how she does quite literally only exist for Kyle to be hurt and be forced to grow but they made her so cool and lively in those brief appearances that I'm thinking about using that as the starting point. As in, I want KYLE do be the ghost in this poem, being like the starting point (asking her to sit for him to draw/paint) and using that and the way she sees him as a way of exploring her own interiority?? Idk if it's going to work.

sit for me
& he looks like weekends that start on Wednesday afternoons and lovingly picked drugstore bouquets

[...]

sit for me

& the bedsheets are a week overdue washing & all the mugs stained with coffee & paint & his fingers taste like newsprint & charcoal & going to make it out of here someday & my car keys are already curled in the palm of my hand

Re: Alex Poem

[clockwork_hart1]

Does this need an extra stanza towards/before the end.......

sit for me

& he looks like weekends that start on Wednesday afternoons & lovingly picked gas station bouquets & the way his tongue curls around the contours of her name makes her dissolve into shape and shading—

sit for me

& it's more naked, in darkrooms, than in late morning light, & his pretty mouth frayed from absent bites & artists, fucking artists, always looking at her like a bird in flight

sit for me

& aperture, a way to watch her life from between her fingers & sat, sitting, his modesty eased back by how the camera covers her face & the space she makes for him in all her order, alarm clocks and recently changed cotton sheets

sit for me

& late night-mornings on fire escapes & coffee, crosswords, croissants, the cigarettes he tosses halfway across the city & it's a pity, she doesn't hate him, but she does have to leave for work

sit for me

& his fingers taste like newsprint & charcoal & going to make it out of here someday& today, it has to be today, the car keys already curled in the palm of her hand

Donna Poem

[clockwork_hart1]

this isn't actually a poem at all I just need to again brain dump and talk myself through this one. I just. I have to write a poem that's in conversation with god and divinity and bodies & Donna seems like the obvious choice there. (Though, I always point at Jean as God's most favourite lamb to the slaughter & if I do change gears with her poem I may also look down this route.)

Something about the malleability of womanhood & somehow being less literally consistent than her sister made of clay something about being a god who isn't a god being a god who doesn't want to be god. Being inclined towards piece when being built of war. I keep thinking about old greek myths and I want to find a way to tie that to her. What's a mythological expression for a constant identity crisis???

I'm trying to be a girl when God made me a sacrifice / I am trying to be a girl but they keep making me god

Idk SOMETHING. I CAN'T MAKE IT COALESCE YET. YES IM READING THE RETURN OF DONNA TROY OBVIOUSLY.

Re: Donna Poem

[clockwork_hart1]

OKAY IS THIS ANYTHING :::


Dear diary, I pulled the arrow out this morning and did not prod the wound. I woke up twenty four plus a thousand, folded laundry, killed a god. I made lunch for the next three days and didn't think about all of the corpses.

Dear diary, I've gotten so good at the makeup, but I have to clean the mirror first, to see the girl in there more clearly. She's always saying, stop taking god out for drinks instead of taking the axe to his throat. I'm always saying, you're dead, what do you know? and pursing our mouths for the cherry gloss.

Dear diary, I saved the world last night. I grew chains out of my wrist bones and pulled the peeling earth together. I thought of falling in didn't tell anyone. I bought flowers for the nightstand, remade the bed with freshly washed sheets.

Dear diary, I buried my child this morning and didn't start a fire at the funeral. Dear diary, I keep telling you, I'm too young to be a mother. Dear diary, I'm trying to be a girl and god keeps making me an animal. I'm trying to be a girl and everyone keeps making me god.

[luckyzukky]

these are fantastic picks!!!! i can't wait to read your work and some of what you've shared in the comments!!!! i haven't been on tumblr lately for reasons but i always look forward to what you have to say and your writing in general. <3

also props for including lian harper people overlook her as an example of this quite often i think

[clockwork_hart1]

Melo!! I had also basically disappeared off of tumblr for a while, and I'm still a little restless over there, so I'm trying out using my DW again, we'll see if it sticks lol.

Lian clicked for me yesterday it suddenly hit me that she was one of the people I was subconsciously reaching for when I was going through the DC girls who felt the most jarring and brutal. You've got Lian, a whole baby, and Sue Dibney who is raped and murdered and that's the whole thrust of an event comic, which really shifted DC's whole direction into edgelord territory. It's interesting that they don't have like big tentpole famous girl deaths the way marvel do with Jean and Gwen, except Kara's in Crisis. Very few of the significant DC gals have been killed and stayed dead for any length of time, but they make up for it by having some just really horrible and graphic ones instead. Yay? Sorry this turned into a whole rant lmao.

Also you might actually be helpful to me bc I haven't actually read any of Tara's appearances (03 is the only titans book I've ever read lol.) Is there anything besides Judas contract that's worth having a look at just to get a feel for her? No worries if you don't have anything to rec I just thought I'd ask just in case.

[luckyzukky]

hahah besties in disappearing off tumblr lol! i hope DW treats you better - i've been less active wrt posting but i'm on here basically constantly refreshing my reading page so there's that haha

lian was just such a brutal example of this. she was a fucking child and they still pulled the shit they did??? just shameful but it's a part that's just great to analyze critically and creatively i think. like both horrifying and interesting to explore in both senses. also i've never really noticed how marvel has the giant explosive deaths while dc just does it for funsies so often that we're like desensitized to it as angry as we are lol.... god being a woman who likes dc is rough

for tara i ABSOLUTELY suggest the judas contract arc of new teen titans. it's essential to understanding her as she was created to die in that arc, her portrayal and creation in general, it's foundational for every future use and depiction of her. so that's like, my highest recommendation. i also suggest the deathstroke rebirth run's "defiance" arc which makes great use of tara and rose - it shows tara in a unique position post-judas contract, post survival, well, in a world where she did survive, sorta (we both know how much of a mess canon is with timelines so just roll with it lol). it's an interesting though light examination of her as an adult. i highly recommend it even if that book is kinda all over the place.

[clockwork_hart1]

I mean as an original marvel girl who defected to DC but regularly commutes back lol marvel do also kill minor characters REALLY often I actually originally had way more of them on the list and whittled them down to the ones that felt tentpole and important. They kill of half the x men population like once every 3 years, and both of their mainline kid teams (young avengers and runaways) had one of their younger female characters die. I think they were actually much more notorious for it for years until DC had it's big grimdark Serious push in the 90s/2000s and now it's just fair game for everyone. Basically being a female comics fan in general is rough lol. Love it out here!

Also thank you for the rec!! It's really helpful!

[luckyzukky]

ahhh i see thanks for the marvel context! crazy that the kid teams both had young girl characters die wow. it really is rough being a fan of comic women lol....